Love in 48 Days!

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Seriously! It has been three days since I got my lazy butt on here to say anything of no meaning! I had to break that trend today. I figure if I come all the way here with my cup of Joe and field text messages like a hummingbird on crack I can at the very least post something right? Well. Here I am!

The week started out pretty good minus a serious argument with a friend that very nearly sent me over the deep end but I will save that for the made for TV version. Let us just say If I had a gasket I popped it. And I am certainly not talking about in an enjoyable way. I have since made my peace with the situation and decided to move forward.

There has been a few developments on the dating scene that are definitely of note to this blog. One being a pretty hot guy from Saturday night seeming to be something worth checking out. A new date with SkaterMan coming up soon, and OMG something I dare not speak for fear I may just jinx my shot before the timeline on it is created. So wow, what is a guy to do?  I say let things go as they will. I am not here to force anything to become something.

Strange thing happened on the way to the market! I had a revelation of sort regarding this whole endeavor of mine to find love in 48 days. I think I have been looking at this the wrong way from the start. You see, I have thought that finding love would in some way come from another person and not realized that what I truly seek is the ability to love another. I have realized that through all life has dealt me over the years my ability to feel secure in caring about another has suffered a great deal. Now that I am aware it is time to fix that. Knowledge is power after all right? So I pledge to me, to be open to the idea of what could be. Ok slap me I don’t know if I am making sense but rest assured in my head the painting comes together.

Today I smile! I am discovering me. I really like this.

This weekend! Happy Sunday

I have taken the liberty of walking away from this blog for a day or two at a time as of late so that I did not have to force anything out to ensure it’s done. Well folks last night gave me enough material to post for 6 weeks. I will let it trickle out as I have found that pushing thoughts to form has been somewhat slow for me.

I do not even know where to begin. This quest has started to teach me amazing things about myself and oddly enough some things about those around me. I have a strange feeling I will be thinning out my list of close confidants in the coming weeks. I will, and need to surround myself with people that have positive things to say rather than wrap themselves in a world full of negativity. With that having been said the time has come to expand my interests on many levels and in doing so hopefully I will not only explore more of the world around me but let others explore mine as well. That has always been irritant number one from others looking inward… opening my world.

I am halfway home and feel like I am on my own once again with plans to jet to the southern reaches of that which I call myself. Hoping the turbulence takes less of a toll than it has in the past. They do say the chances of dropping from the sky mid-flight is something in the area of one in a billion? Possibly more? So off I go to the deepest and daring of me for a little vacation. Let me rise. Rise beyond the reaches that in the past I have hit.

The past 48 hours have left me feeling amazing with thoughts of an amazing future ahead of me I find little to complain of except one. That complaint is not material enough in my own mind to bring to words here for you to read. I do know that my quest is becoming well known and in that some insecurity does fall. I wonder when I am asked why, what the thoughts of others are? I do know that in asking myself that I lost the truth that is behind the quest I am on. Why would I ever question that thoughts of another when it comes to my feelings? I step away.

Today is a recovery day for me after a long night out with a few friends and a tap that flows beyond its limits into my cup. It was a dense fog that I awoke to and to be honest I feel it even now as I sit on the waterfront watching the boats pass by writing this. Does it make any sense?

When you find me say hello. I will be looking for me too. Together we may find something crazy!

Until later my friends. Woot! Put some pepper in your punch and salute!

Online! OMG

Fifty, count them fifty emails from people reaching out to me online and not one of them had something less than “what are you into?”, “wanna hook up?”, “what size are you?”, and “when can we play?”. Needless to say I am finding a common thread among gay men as of late and it is weaving a very ugly cloth. We have so many resources out there to help the single gay man find whatever he wants , be it “hook up” sites, or your generic personals, I am finding the mindset to be the problem not so much the sites themselves.

I am just like any other MAN out there constantly thinking of “the Deed” and have to be honest, it is huge in my world. With that having been said I do prefer to have one partner versus 50 or so at a time. Is it becoming more and more rare to find the type of guy that is looking for a monogamous relationship versus open and seeking at all times while having someone at home? I find at the very least this is becoming very trendy in the gay world and I refuse to subscribe to it. If the man I am with is not enough for me and causes me to linger in the fields looking for something else to pleasure me I obviously should not be with him. That is what you call a friend with benefits and I have enough friends already, non of which I want to be naked with.

I have as of late also come across the instant 50 minute relationship as I coin it. More to come on that. I mean how can someone tell you they have feelings for you after 50 minutes chatting online? That is not the stuff relationships are built upon is it? Seems out of this world to me.

So as this weekend reaches out to me and I spend more time reflecting on how I can be the right man for me in order to be the right man for another, I try to think of it less and let the machine take control. May it wind me up, toss me about, and leave me with a feeling of a roller coaster gone bad. If you don’t experience life you are bound to have regrets. So far I have few.

May the road rise to meet you my friends.

Ahhh post 2

It certainly can be difficult to explain to your new neighbors why you are running around your house singing in your PJ bottoms only with a huge smile on your face but I tried. The lack of knowing them made me a bit uncomfortable but I think his wife found it a bit more than entertaining! I shall not try that again. At least not singing. I cannot be held responsible for my running around in my PJ’s!

Tonight I think of great opportunities and endless possibilities.

I used Jaho as my stomping ground once again tonight and Kristin was great company to have. She always gives me insight in the things I don’t like to see and choose to ignore. But alas, We had a good time walking Salem and checking out some stores and the waterfront.

On a different note I am finding that there are in fact other guys out there that want what I want in life and the only true obstacle I have had is in not putting myself out there to truly be discovered. Kristin did point out my occasional bout with flakiness that can come over me when the nerves kick in could be part of the issue. I say DULY NOTED. But I must say it may have saved me from a serial killer or two in the past and to be honest I grew comfortable with it. So now I must dredge forward and hope for the best.

I wonder if there are any guys out there that like to fold laundry because I really don’t want to hit the pile that I am staring at. A guy can dream right? I could entertain him while he folds by poking fun at him and such if that makes a difference? Ugh I guess not huh?

So, I have made a commitment to be at the GMDV Halloween event on the 30th in Boston so I must get my affairs in order and my costume in place. Anyone that knows me knows I have to knock it out of the field. I will buy two tickets and hope for the best! Is anyone interested? I will definitely field offers!

So it has been a good day, I feel great minus an itch on my shoulder that I will attack shortly after posting this. I wish you all a great night and if you happen to see ag uy running in his shorts around the house please pay him no mind. He is an odd duck after all!

Be well.

Ahhhh….

Holy crazy bat shit busy lately! I know you have all missed me so much that you can hardly stand not hearing of my valiant attempts to thwart the universe and take that which I deem myself entitled, so I have a few things to say.

This whole choice to make finding true love and jumping on it like a dog on a bun has started to teach me some rather strange things about myself, and others. For me, I have started to open up like I have not in the past and been quite frank about what my motivations are and seen many eyes open wide in interest. For others, Some think I have crossed that thin line that brings one from the realm of truly passionate about living life to that of complete insanity. I dare to say that not going after what you want in life is what I feel safe calling insanity.

I’ve had no dates in the past two days and I am happy to have time to get things done around this house and get some solid time dredging my way through the myriad of things that need to be done. There will be a huge Halloween graveyard on my front lawn this year. It is time to get ready for this holiday and ready fast. It is my favorite after all.

There are many doors opening that are making me smile, I will say that for now. Let us explore what is stepping before me and see what can be. This day is waiting for me and I cannot let it down. I want so much to tell you all more, so there will be a few posts today. I just don’t want to force any of it out.

I am smiling. I feel a waterfront jaunt in order for this evening!

Day 9 Post 2

So Here at the waterfront, I sit sipping on a great coffee and just sucking in the music and atmosphere that surrounds me in Salem. I have to say it is nice to lay in the grass by ones self and just be sometimes. The barista at Jaho doesn’t hurt my eyes either but that is another story all together.

My morning was difficult and it sucked ass to be honest. Yes big bomber booty ass. I was not amused. I plowed forward the way I usually do and left it behind for better things. Last night was nice and today is nice as well so shit I cannot complain can I? I see the world as my plate and I have a fork in hand. I warn you, try not to walk by me with wanton eyes when I am like this. I may just pounce and go for the gold.

So for all of you blog readers out there in the great big universe that find some sort of fun digging through the pages of ones life anonymously here I say this; catch me if you can because the train of life waits for no man. I am jumping aboard. And as for my shyness… To hell with it! I’m turning over a new leaf today.

(skipping down the road)

Later!

Day 9

From friends that more than like me and make me feel uncomfortable to ones that I have in the past, had interest in that now wish me ill on my quest I have come to see many lights, not just the light. I don’t subscribe to the idea that in some magical way my friends will become my lovers and we will live happily ever after nor do I think I should invest in anyone who can’t muster up the strength to make an effort of any sort. Let it just be said that my eyes have opened as of late and some of the faces I have seen have caused me to pause. I wonder the cost of such?

Sometimes the words don’t flow as easily as I would like and I sit here staring into a screen waiting for them to jump. There is just so much that can or should be said that my fingers often cannot keep up with my thoughts. Frustration has set in this morning and my mood is not where I would like it to be so I will take the bull by the horns and make that change shortly after I write this. This will definitely make for better writing later.

So let us talk about last night and my date with SkaterMan and my adventures in Thai food. Was great to see him again and as usual the company was nice. I underestimated the traffic getting into the city on game day and sat on the LZ bridge for 30 minutes more than anyone should, making me late. Rushing into the city and spending time looking for parking was not my idea of a good time so I rushed to the garage at The Pru and flew up level by level so I didn’t have him waiting in front of Trinity Church in what could seem like forever. I actually asked myself as I approached on foot if he would notice me as I walked toward him. Just as I completed that thought he jumped to his feet and walked over to me. Great Start.

SkaterMan brought me to a quiet little Thai place where we were seated on the upper level in a corner of the restaurant near a statue of a girl with bare feet praying. I thought you had to have shoes to get service in the city. I guess they will let anyone in these days. I was a bit taken back by her insistence to pray the whole time I was eating but I didn’t let it get to me. The menu was like reading cyrillic with a mind that only processes english. I had no idea what was what. He didn’t let me down. SkaterMan took the reigns and ordered some things that I had never had and the food was out of this world. Now I question some of my choices and think I may expand my palette a great deal.

We walked through The Public Gardens again.

The night came to a close a bit later and a great adventure in traffic control of the finest kind in the city of Boston. Picture it game day traffic out of the city and the interstate down to one lane! I would have gotten home faster on roller skates. So the night was nice, the company great, and the food out of this world. All good things.

My plans for tonight wont come to be. There is much to do and I need some down time of sort. This usually means time at Jaho with a cup of java in my hands as the locals pass by. The day is young! More later.